think
your life is driven by your subconscious. your conscious mind hopelessly attaches meaning to individuals and objects, when inherently there is no meaning. the meanings your mind perceives are driven by your subconscious; your brain is an extension of your mind; your mind is not your brain. human connections and relationships are simply distractions, your conscious mind applying meanings to what you perceive as purpose, when in reality you are nothing.
it's crucial to be fulfilled by existential futility. that's when your subconscious is loudest, when you have no distraction. without consideration of anyone else, throw away hope so you can become free. you are your own cage, so how do you expect to survive when inevitably that day comes, when there is no one to hold you?